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Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are blood donors.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Paper-Eater

Dear Insane Asylum People,

I think you should come meet my sister. I have included a picture. She has issues. I am 99.9999% sure that she needs mental help; after all she was just eating paper. Oh, by the way-- she is nine years old. Anyway, her name is Emma and right now she is just munching away on paper like it's popcorn. She is telling me how appetizing it is and that I should try some because "it is actually pretty good". Is paper a healthy choice for growing girls?

May I add that she built a box fort and wrote "respect the flag" on ALL sides of ALL of the boxes. The flag is a play flag that is green and white-- not the American Flag.

Emma is also telling me how Justin Beiber is a "hideous crime against nature and humans", which is fine with me because I don't prefer to listen to his music. She also refers to him as "The Guy Who Hits His Head on Glass Doors" and "Justin Beaver". Oh, and "The Guy Who Needs to Start Singing Like a Man, Not a Barbie Doll".

Speaking of Barbie Dolls, my little sister loves them in movies--not in doll form-- when you hand her a doll, she talks about ripping their heads off.

You people are doctors, right? Is it normal for a little girl to be obsessed with cheese? To sing about it? To dream about it? To need it? I don't believe that is normal, but this is my sister, right?

I just remembered (how could I forget?) that she looooves the "Marshmallow Murder" video on youtube, even though she looooooves marshmallows. Is it right to want to watch one of your favorite foods melt and then explode?

One last thing-- she likes drawing creepy fairies and then she uses that paper as a snack... Which brings us back to the paper-eating.

What should I do as an older sister who is deeply concerned about her younger sister?

Thanks so much and reply SOON.

Many Thanks,
Hayley

(This message is Emma-approved. No hard feelings were made.)

1 comment:

  1. i think it is wondrous. i luv it

    ReplyDelete

Welcome to Hayley-Land (AKA: my blog)

Here is some quick info that you may need to know about me in the future:
I am fantastic at music (I play trumpet and piano). I loooove art and I have a little sister who I am always on edge with-- but I love her anyway. And may I add that I have a deep passion for ice cream?
My mom is an almost-published author and my dad is an Specialist Solution Consultant. Or something.
I love to be on the move and I also get bored really, really fast. Apparently I have the attention span of a goldfish (3 seconds-- 5 tops).